The elephant is the only animal with 4 knees.

guys. i need summer right now.

i don't know what it is....

 ....but it keeps calling me....

 ....like a persistent stalker with a cellphone.

 summer.

please come.

jane barbie was the woman who did the voice recordings for the bell system.

i'm a professional model!
it's true. i've been put in the young living magazine. i've also been put into their calender in fourth grade, but, you know, whatever. livvy and kate where on a couple billboards in fifth grade.
it's about time they put us in a brag-worthy advertising.  
check it.

that's me!
okay, so maybe that picture was taken a couple years ago, i'm getting a little older, so i better suck this up while i can.

cats can hear ultrasound.

explanation? a pretty crappy story if you ask me. it all went down to three people:
Me: you know, that one person that you are currently stalking.
English Buddy: my buddy in my english class.
Boy: my boy buddy in my english class.
it started with a cheap dare. the following are all quotes:
English Buddy: Jane, you should ask Boy out.
Boy: <who ever so convinently was sitting next to us> what?!
English Buddy: Jane's gonna ask you out.
Boy and English Buddy: <looks at me expectantly>.
Me: do you wanna go out?
Boy: okay hahahah, just kidding.
and that's the story of me asking my first boy out. typical.

Right-handed people out live left-handed people.

So. I might have asked a boy out yesterday.

the moon is 27% of the size of the Earth.

no. way. 

emilee, you should know you're awesome. 

i just won a reward. in case you didn't see that ....^

a part of this reward is answering them questions. i don't feel much like writing today, so i promise to make it quick.

1. what is your go-to make-up product? maybelline lip gloss. it's simple and goes with everything. you know, a just jane sorta thing.
2. what's your favorite fashion trend of 2011? i like how thick glasses frames became popular, i don't like how regular glasses are still a sign of a retard.
3. what is your favorite dessert? mmhmm.... red velvet cake pops at simply splendid. soo yummy. 
4. favorite color? that's been in question lately. it used to be a justin bieber purple, but ever since Teacher said 'purple's my favorite color', i hastily gave it up.
5. what is your middle name? alexandra. a little frilly for my taste, but you know....
6. what was the last song you listened to?  air traffic by owl city. it makes me so happy.
7. cats or dogs? three cats, two dogs. i love both all the way.
8. one thing I have never mentioned on my blog: i played with barbies until i turned 13. yeah... i know.

oh, by the way the way, livvy gets this award, because she's my wonderful big sissy.
(sorry about the messed up highlights going on up in here....^:)

every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.

holy crap!

do you like my mildly impressed face? i wouldn't be surprised if it closely resembled your really bored face.

our population grew by another 95 people since you started reading this.

this one time.
i had to babysit this one kid. and this is how it went:
it was one of those nighttime jobs where you had to put the kid to bed before the parent came home. she told me to put the kid to bed at about 8:30. me, being as awesome as i am, i let him stay up until 9:00. at around then, i told the kid it was time for bed. first mistake. right then he suddenly had to go to the bathroom. so then he proceeded to taking of his pants. than his underwear. then his shirt. than he had to sit on the toilet until he was done. 
after which, i put on his p.j.s (which took longer than it sounds). by then it was 9:30.
'do you wand a bedtime story?' second mistake. he found every book in the house, tore them off the shelves and refused to go to bed until i read every one.
instead of reading until he fell asleep, which i imagined would happen, the event only exited him and he began running around the house like a crazed squirrel.  now it's 9:45.
'let's just watch a show.' third mistake. once again i believed this would calm the kid, and believe me, it did. but i didn't recognize any of the shows. so i picked a movie. hah, fourth mistake there jane. he stared unblinkingly at the screen, up to the point i turned it off. 
he sorta went insane.
10:00.
in a flimsy attempt to get him to go to sleep, i kinda locked him in his room. fifth. mistake. 
he started screaming like someone was knifing him or something, so i freaked out and opened the door.
he looked up at me, eyes brimming with tears and hate and do you know what he said.
'i peed myself.' just to make it clear, he just got out of diapers. so then he went ahead and took off all his clothes again. while doing his business, i tried to find where they kept his underwear. i couldn't.
10:15. 
the kid goes crazy again and starts messing up there house.
this is where it gets bad. 
his parents come home.
now imagine having a nice date with your husband and coming home seeing your kid running around the very messy house two hours after curfew completely naked. 
after four hours of babysitting, the hand me a crumpled up five dollar bill and had me walk home.
they never called me back.

the average number of people airborne over the u.s. at any given hour is 61,000

i am so sick right now. like, so sick. 
what a lovely way to spend the holiday:/
daddy told me that i have a delicate stomach. 
i get sick over the stupidest things.
eating fast food.
eating fancy food.
eating to much food.
and when i do get sick, it's not just once. it's dozens of times.
yes, dozens.
basically, i think i should give up eating food all in all.
but i love food.

i haven't ate anything today. but i drank gatorade. a whole lot of gatorade. i think i'm going to be sick.

forty percent of americans have never visited a dentist.

i am convinced that this is how faculty meetings get down to:

the average person laughs 15 times a day.

bored? me too. i mean, i just can't picture anyone reading my blog and NOT be bored. and that's counting me. 
anyway, i take it as my responsibility to cure your boredom. unfortunately, i don't want to do stuff so i'll pull a cheap one:
internet heros:
these are the people that cure my boredom. 'nuff said.
Charlie McDonnell.

this man. is a genius. i have all his c.d.'s (which is a total of 1).
rhett & link.

these men. are awesome. my sissy has their shoes (which are also awesome).
mystery guitar man.

my respect for him is at an all time high ever since he released this awesome video.
and now for my all time favorite:
julian smith!

sooo funny. he makes my day. every day. 

humans are the only known creatures to cry

Caitlin McKay. her handwriting's as colorful as her name sounds. she knows how to dress well. she does her hair nicely. i've always admired her from a distance for these good attributes at a place as petty as a middle school. we sit at the same table in foods so we vaguely know each other.
today we had a real conversation. it went like this:
me: 'i suck at math.' (that's usually how i start conversations.)
Caitlin: 'me too.' (she passed the test.)
me: 'i'm still in pre-algebra.'
Caitlin: 'me too! hey... we're in the same math class!'
me: 'we-we are?'
Caitlin: 'last year i mean. you said everyone called you 'popcorn.''
me: 'oh yeah...'
Caitlin: 'yeah we thought you where weird.'
i open my mouth to say something but all that came out was a quite croak, like the words evaporated before anyone heard it.
'i mean, you're cool now.' she ads unconvincingly.
i think back to seventh grade math. i fell asleep every other class, due to my roommate's late IMSing with her boyfriend. usually every time i talked to someone my words where slurred and negative. i guess if i knew me then, i'd think i was weird too, but it still hurt bad hearing someone actually say it to my face, after months of thinking it in my head.
and who's 'we' anyway? 
half an hour later, Caitlin's words still fresh in my mind like a knife, i walk home. or, sorta dragged my feet towards home, listing to my i-pod with my headphones, the sound on high as if i can scare the weirdness away. 
gradually, i start feeling better. the dull cold and the overall grayness of utah in january didn't get to me, because although people think i'm weird, i'm strong, and i can get over the world's standards and start living up to my own.

humans spend a third of their lives sleeping (25 yrs. or more)

this has possibly been one of the worst week of my life.
and it's only tuesday. 
i. i need a hug.

the university of florida has an emergency plan in case of a sudden zombie attack

my school has no windows. my dad makes a point when he says when the zombie appolicks rolls around he's going there for shelter.


there was a math test today. i was completely unprepared. after about ten questions in, some smart kid turned off the lights. i waited for a second for him to turn them back on, but no one did. 
delayed screams.
blackout baby!
perfect timing.
the lack of windows makes everything much darker. 
i put down my pen and tilt in my chair.
might as while enjoy this while i can.
and then.
magic.
teacher loses control of the class. everyones out of there chairs and talking loudly with there friends. 
we take out all of our cell phones and text people.
teacher gives up and starts texting too.
it's like this for 2 hours.

it was tight.

Babies are born without knee caps.

more things that annoy me:

no one commented (whatever that is), but meh stats say that you've really enjoyed this post. like. a lot. so. this annoys me.

1. my alarm clock waking me up during a really awesome dream.
2. people not quoting things right. it sorta ruins it for me.
3. now that everyone loves this music, i feel like i have to change what i listen to.
4. um. people spelling easy words wrong. i mean, i'm a pretty crappy speller myself, but when you can't spell the word 'school' right, you're just plain pathetic.
5. school.
6. teachers that give homework over the weekend. just because you don't have anything planned, doesn't mean i don't.
7. when good actors are in crappy movies. (or vise versa)
8. people that don't shower. yeah, we can tell.
9. pretending to text someone to look like you have a lot of friends (but i wouldn't know anything about that).
10. sensitive people. even i have my limits.
11. the kids that yell so they can be heard over you.
12. when people don't care.
13. people who come to see us when i'm in my P.J.s
14. i'm really stuck here. what annoys you?

babies who suck on pacifiers are more prone to ear aches.

pinterest? yeah, that's what i'm doing. 

 
you should do it too.

platypuses sweat milk

happy new year. i guess now i'll go over the things i've done in 2011:
january: my grandparents left for there mission in illinois.
february: i got my patriarchal blessing.
march: my cousin adam was born.
april: my cousin william married jessica.
may: i bought my mom a bunny for mother's day.
june: i made it through seventh grade alive.
july: i went to girls camp.
august: i turned 14.
september: emilee left.
october: i went to bear lake with my family.
november: my cousin tyler got baptized.
december: i prefected the skill of becoming an animungus.