monkeys are carnivorous.

sexual harassment.
that's how it all started.
oh, but don't worry, nobody got sexually harassed in this story, this is a definite G rating of a blog post. 
or maybe PG.
the other day everyone at my school was lectured about sexual harassment. it was sorta like a heath lesson outside of health. no big deal really.
but come on, this is a jr. high school for pete's sake, what are we gonna do to slice through awkward pauses? 
we joke about it. i mean, the teachers were asking for it.
i'm pretty sure that by now you would've guessed that i'm above potty jokes and all that crap (get it? crap? tee hee:), but clearly, i'm not.
one that made me laugh partiality hard went like this: "hey guys you know what we should do? we should give Teacher a big and unconformable hug and be like 'thanks for teaching us about sexual harassment'".
i was laughing so hard that i literally peed my pants. there where so many problems with that picture. 
1. duh. i just peed my pants.
2. Boy was sitting right next to me.
3. the bell for next period just rung.
4. i'm screwed.
the bell. the bell!after much hesitation, i preformed an awkward side step aside the wall, undoubtedly drawing rude stares from them normal people. i keep going down an entire hallway until i reach the bathroom. after the four minuet and late bell rings, i stand on the toilet to make sure i was alone in the bathroom. i was. i start calling the home phone, hoping that someone could give me advice or maybe even check me out.
"hello?" my mom picked up.
"hey mom it's me, jane."
"jane?! jane!"
"yeah, i sorta just peed my-"
"jane! jane! j-j-jane!"
"-pants and i was wonderin-"
"jane!"
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
i nearly fall off the toilet that i was still standing on at the sharp beeping of my phone, signaling that i lost reception. 
crap, she probably thinks i'm dead now. 
i send her a text message explaining how not dead i was.
what now? i start walking home. awkward side walk-go!
on the way home i was mumbling to myself, unsure of what i was doing.
"holy crap, what am i doing?"
"am i sluffing?"
"oh man, was that the police?"
"what do i do?"
"....what would Jesus do?"
i set myself on a bumbling rant about how Jesus probably wouldn't end up in a situation like this.
"they didn't were pants then, did they?"
"no, they wore those robe things, so if anyone peed themselves i don't think it would show."
"plus Jesus probably wouldn't laugh about sexual harassment in the first place so... i must be an awful person."
when i reach home i rush into my mom's room, hoping to stop her from reporting a missing child, but instead i find her dead asleep on her bed. 
thanks, mom.